Letter published in The Star (9 Dec 09) – Husbands need to have self control


The Star has my slightly edited version with the wedding vow line changed to a more general line. One cool thing was that this letter was published 2 years and 1 day from my wedding day :). My father-in-law spotted it and has taken out the clipping, circling it in red, so I guess I won some brownie points with him… Here’s the letter below:

I REFER to “We reap what we sow in a marriage” (The Star, Dec 7). As a male, I’m saddened by your beliefs about marriage and your expectations about your wife. You wrote, “If a busy working wife is so preoccupied with her daily working schedule to such an extent that she inadvertently or otherwise neglects to attend to her husband’s natural carnal needs, the seeds of discord are sown in the matimonial home, opening the doors to the free inflow of serious consequences.”

“Most husbands in the above situation, understandably, have little or no ability to withstand any wife-imposed sexual starvation and they are thus forced to seek their pleasures in the outside world where a variety of sexual services are readily available around-the-clock.”

I respectfully and strongly disagree. There is NEVER any excuse for infidelity, except what we try to convince ourselves when we stray. We are all equal in that all of us have self control.

And husbands need to apply that in situations where our wives are temporarily (or even permanently actually if you hold by your wedding vows) unable to attend to our sexual needs.

You also mention about ‘the seeds of discord’ being sown by the overly busy wife, but I submit to you that we, the men, the heads of the households, sow the seeds of discord ourselves when we fail in any way to ensure that our wives feel loved and secure with us.

“If we want to be treated like kings, we must first treat our wives like queens.”

Happy and fulfilled marriages are built on solid foundations of companionship and giving. Not selfish desires from any one party.

I’m sure many people, irrespective of race or religion, knows of these wedding vows (though perhaps not everyone uses them) – “I take you to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.”

(The edited line read:”I’m sure many people, irrespective of race or religion, know of these wedding vows that include loyalty and fidelity.”)

If only more of us stood by our wedding vows (whatever they were), there’d be less failed or unhappy marriages.

PDF of the original letter that was published in The Star

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